Legal Crap

Legaleeze and legal Sleeze. As you can see, I don’t like those Varmits.  If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers. — William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2

Never met one I would trust alone with my wife or my kids, soon as they were alone he would be trying to get them to sue ME! — Jim Knox

The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name. — anonymous (because the lawyers took everything, including his name!)

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. — John Adams, in the play “1776″

Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed! — Robert Lucky, IEEE Spectrum

Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. — David Porter

I don’t think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You’ve got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. — Will Rogers

Of course I’ve got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons: I’ve got em coz everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they fuck everything up. — Danny de Vito in “Other People’s Money”

“Lawyers Are”:

  • The only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.  — Jeremy Bentham
  • One skilled in the circumvention of the law.  — Ambrose Bierce
  • A learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. — Henry Brougham
  • One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life. — Eugene E. Brussell
  • The only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from (amongst) themselves. — Charles Caleb Colton
  • By law’s dark by-ways he has stored his mind with wicked knowledge on how to cheat mankind. — George Crabbe
  • Those who lie, conceal and distort everything and slander everybody. — Jean Giraudoux
  • Those who earn a living by the sweat of their brow-beating. — James G. Huneker
  • Those whose interests and abilities lie in perverting, confounding and eluding the law. — Jonathan Swift